Forgiveness

Forgiveness

The hardest thing that anyone can ever do is to forgive the person who has hurt you the most. Here is something to help you with your journey…

Forgiveness is not for those who are good and kind to you. Forgiveness is for those who hurt you and did you wrong. I know you are thinking, “Well, if I forgive them, then they will get away with it! I just cannot roll over and pretend like nothing has happened and let them get away with them doing me wrong.” It is human nature to want Justice. Well guess what. Forgiveness is not about justice. It is about Grace! Remember, Justice/Judgement is about getting what you deserve. Mercy is about NOT getting what you deserve. Grace is about you getting what you do not deserve. When you forgive, you are holding back what you think they deserve, and you are giving them what they do not deserve, which is your love and kindness. Yes, I know, I know. You are saying, “But you do not know what they did to me!  The hurt, the betrayal, their evil ways.” Yep, I hear you. But consider this. God forgave us despite our evil ways, the betrayal against him, and how much it hurt Him to see us in sin. God still forgave us.

You may say, “Well, I know I’m supposed to forgive, but I just don’t have anything inside of me nor the emotion or energy to forgive that person.” Well, here is something that is incredibly special. God is the one who gives you the ability to forgive the other person. He pours out his love and compassion in YOU so that you can forgive.

A couple of things happens when you forgive a person who has wronged you.

First, you are putting on the character of God. You are giving the other person grace even when they do not deserve it. You are allowing God’s power to flow in you and to the other by forgiving.

Second, you are releasing the other person emotionally. What do you mean by releasing them? It means that you are no longer holding the other person hostage by expecting an apology. Guess what. You may never get an apology from them. And if you are sitting there waiting for it, guess who is suffering the most? You! When you emotionally release them, you are saying, “Lord, I am hurting, and I do not expect an apology. I am turning them over to you!”

Third, turning them over to God means that you are not trying to control the situation. You are not going to bring it up in every conversation to remind them or others what happened. Only God knows how to change the heart of a man or woman. Romans 12:19, “Do not try to avenge yourselves. Vengeance is mine says the Lord!”  That means God knows exactly how to avenge you and manage the other person because He is righteous, and He is fair.

Prior to the hurt, a lot of us get angry. It is not a sin to get angry. But there is a time limit on how long you can stay angry. Yep, you have until sundown to “deal” with that anger and get it resolved. (Wait for another blog on the topic of Anger…). Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry, but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger.”  It is not a sin to be angry.  It is what you DO with that anger that matters. Which is why God is telling you to get rid of that anger as soon as possible.

Fourth, when you forgive others, God can heal you.  You are saying, “Lord, I’m hurting, and I need you to mend and put back together my broken heart.”  God knows how to do it. Psalm 34:18 “God is close to the broken-hearted and save those who are crushed in spirit.”

Fifth, this is the most dangerous of them all. Matthew 6:15, “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your father will not forgive your sins.”  Verse 14 of Matthew chapter 6 tells you to forgive other people when they sin against you so that your Heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Finally, the hardest part of forgiveness is to show the other person love and treat them as if they have never wronged you in the first place. I know you are saying, “Oh C’mon, really? That ole’ so and so does not even deserve my love. And to treat them like they are all good with me? So, I am wiping the slate clean?” Yep. You are wiping the slate clean. Hint, hint, like what God did for us when he forgives us. In fact, God chooses to throw our sins as far as the east is from the west and chooses to remember them no more.  Why? Because God wants us to be in right standing with Him. He wants to be in a relationship with us.  He loves us so, so very much! I am not saying that your relationship with the other person is going to be the same.  A person told me this, “well, I forgive them, but I don’t have to like them, and I don’t have to be around them.”  Ok now think about that. What if God did the same thing towards us? God says, “Ok, I forgive you, but I don’t like you, I won’t ever talk to you anymore, nor will I ever hang around you.” Is that putting on the character of God? Remember the story of Joseph and how his brothers hated him and threw him in a pit, then later sold him to be a slave? Joseph was only 17 years old, but his brothers treated him that way.  When Joseph because second in command of all of Egypt, his brothers came to him begging for food. But they did not recognize their little brother. But Joseph recognized them. Joseph ran to the side in tears for all the years of pain he went through. He was in prison for being accused of something he did not do. Joseph was in agony. He could have easily ordered them all to be killed because that is what they deserved. But do you know what Joseph said after he revealed himself to his brothers? The things you meant for me, you meant it for evil, but God meant it for good. (Genesis 50:20). In other words, God took the evil things you intended for me and turned it around for my good. God knew in Joseph’s heart that he was going to forgive them.

A wise person told me this, “When you go through hurts and trails in the past, the way to move forward is to Learn the Lesson but Forget the Details of the past.”  Do not dwell on every intricate item that led up to what hurt you. The love that you have for that person will be an Agape Love (See 1 Corinthians 13 to describe Agape Love). Learn and grow through your experiences with God’s help. But do not allow the seeds of unforgiveness take root in your spirit. If you allow unforgiveness to grow, you will stay in your anger, become bitter, and start to poison others around you. When others are happy, your venom will begin to ooze out to others trying to make them aware that ‘you can’t trust everyone because they can turn on you.’  Just raining on everyone’s parade!

Life on earth is so truly short and it would be a shame to waist it by being stuck with unforgiveness over an event that happened years ago. We are commanded to walk in love. So do that. Walk in love and learn to forgive quickly!

Ron